Both clearly good men backed by other good men. Then there wasEddie, pre change and myself prechange. Obviously, men were NOT bydefinition evil, as my preconceptions told me. Then too, my rant aboutweapons relating to penises. Where the hell had that come from. Logicallythere was no basis. Weapons boiled down to two things, sticks, andstones. And what was a rifle in its purest form, it was a stick thatthrew stones.I had been so thoroughly tied up in my own preconceptions that I hadmanaged to get my head jammed far up my own ass. This had caused me tomake one of the stupidest moves in human history.This was all my fault. Everything that happened was my fault. My sistercompared me to Robert Oppenheimer. That was not accurate. He HAD to buildthe Bomb, he was trying to win a war, what the hell had I been trying todo other than please my own self centered ego?When my plate of eggs, hash browns pancakes and bacon and toast came, Ipushed it away. I was not hungry any more. All I could do. Philip had been around Eddie's home and his folks many times over the last few years while he and Eddie had been growing up and gradually progressing through their school years together. It was funny because on many of his sleepovers with Eddie, Philip and he had frequently discussed some of the older girls in school, some of the younger ones, and some of the female teachers regarding how they looked and how the two of them thought they might be in bed, but they'd never mentioned Eddie's mom and how sexy Philip thought she was. Eddie and Philip would lie there at night, unable to sleep because they were both so horny from imagining how they'd fucked and play with all the sexy girls and women they'd talk about, but Philip could never quite bring himself to tell Eddie how he personally fantasized about Eddie's mom, Susan. He'd often jacked off at night in his own bed or in the shower while he'd fantasized about Susan letting him fuck her with his horny but very hard young teenage.
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